Published on Thursday, September 04, 2008
Twisted malaprops. Humorous spoonerisms. Oddball quotes. These goofy gaffes are a comical confusion of wrong words that sound right. After taking a moment to think it over, you usually get the meaning of what the person was trying to say.
Most people smile no matter how many times they hear the laughable one-liners. For example, almost everyone has heard and repeated Yogi Berra’s legendary quip: "It’s like déjà vu all over again."
Then there was this famous sound bite once blurted out by boxer Muhammad Ali: "I’m so fast, last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."
Not to be outdone by Yogi Berra, baseball’s "old professor" Casey Stengel philosophized: "Never make predictions, especially about the future." Or another one: "Without losers, where would winners be?"
In the business world, unintentional, tangled misspeak also makes you laugh in the fast lane, if you’ll pardon the expression. Among my favorites:
A former co-worker managed a staff of mostly young employees she inherited from other departments. She was a talented, veteran leader known for her high level of technical expertise and no-nonsense work ethic.
Her staff all worked in the field, in the homes of the general public where quality customer service was a high priority. Some employees, however, liked to cut corners and had a problem following company procedures.
Complaints began to trickle in. Certain employees were skipping appointments or leaving customers unsatisfied with their work.
Her only choice was to call a special departmental meeting. Her intent was to teach and nurture the employees along, not reprimand and punish them. But their poor attitude, dodging of details, and sloppy paperwork necessitated a crack down.
They didn’t understand why "good enough" customer service was not acceptable.
The manager laid out harsh, new procedures to tighten up their work. They were given 30 days to turn around their job performances.
In closing the meeting she said, "This is your fault, so don’t complain to me about cracking down. You’ve buttered your bread, now go lie in it."
Football coaches also are great sources of oddball bobble-speak. At a press conference I attended before a University of Arizona Wildcats game, the opposing head coach was bragging about his remarkable freshman running back.
Although inexperienced, the coach expected the star player to have a big game.
As the coach explained it: "He doesn’t follow his blockers very well. Most of the time, even he doesn’t know where he’s going and that’s good, because he gets there faster and quicker before anyone else does."
Then there was the time I was part of a dispute between two strong-willed, highly intelligent engineers. For almost a year, they debated the components of a massive research project. Basically, they disagreed and argued over almost every detail and conclusion, including my marketing proposal.
Clearly at a standstill, two vice presidents were called upon to referee in an effort to move the assignment along. Each engineer was given 20 minutes to make his case before the executives.
The second engineer never had a chance. At the end of his presentation, he was blindsided by the first engineer who stood up and said: "You’re entitled to your own opinion even if it is wrong."
Baseball Hall of Famer-turned-sportscaster Joe Garigiola used to host the PGA’s Tucson Open Golf Tournament. One year, the very popular celebrity pro-am event was washed out by extraordinarily heavy tropical-like rains and high winds.
That night on the 10 p.m. news, I watched a local TV station interview him about the cancellation.
The sports reporter opened something like this: "Sorry golf fans, today’s pro-am tournament was canceled due to some incredibly bad weather, disappointing thousands of fans. I have Joe Garigiola with me to tell us all the details."
Introducing Garigiola, he says "Geez Joe, today’s weather was really awful, that rain was really coming down."
Without missing a beat, Garigiola deadpanned: "Well, if it was really going up, you’d have a heck of a news story right now."
This is a true story, drawn from Roger Yohem’s 25-year, award-winning communications career with the Southern Arizona Home Builders Association, Tucson Electric Power, and Southwest Gas. His column looks at the lighter side of "challenges" in the business world and appears the first and third week of each month in Inside Tucson Business.
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