What you need to know to survive the airlines' gulag

MY OPINION: Without SuperLawyer

By Lionel Waxman, Inside Tucson Business
Published on Friday, August 21, 2009

When I walk into a plane, I am usually a mild-mannered aging pundit, reminiscent in appearance of kindly, old Wilford Brimley looking forward to a bowl of oatmeal, and contemplating clever relationships I can exploit in my writings. But after several hours on an airport tarmac without food, water or toilets, I would transform into SuperLawyer, breathing fire and threatening legal death and destruction to all offenders.

I fantasize going to the head flight attendant and calmly indicating I would like to leave. When (s)he indicates I cannot because we are not at a terminal — although a suitable available terminal is within sight — I would inquire patiently, “Am I under arrest?”

“No.”

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“But I am being held against my will.”

“Sit down and shut up or we will restrain you and charge you with interfering with a flight crew and terroristic threats.”

Back in the world that still exists outside of airplanes and beyond the chain link surrounding airports, such an exchange might find me winning a whopping award against an airline or even precipitating a criminal charge for kidnapping. But not since 9/11.

Presently, as a passenger, I have the right to shut up and sit down or else. The airlines can do that only because I agreed to it in the summary of terms and conditions the airline attached to my ticket, the details of which are incorporated by reference. The relevant part says they can hold me “for a reasonable time” if conditions require it. There is no further specificity. So I am at their mercy.

You have probably heard the horror stories about getting stuck on the tarmac for hours, including another one earlier this month. It’s bad enough waiting for takeoff. It is impossible at the end of a flight. That’s why I don’t fly any more. I reject the airlines’ gulag.

In a notorious incident Dec. 29, 2006, real estate broker Kate Hanni and her family were trapped for nine hours when her flight from San Francisco to Dallas-Fort Worth was diverted to Austin, Texas, due to thunderstorms. With an available terminal tantalizingly within sight, the plane stayed on the tarmac without food, water or information. Hanni got mad as hell and vowed not to take it anymore. She formed the Coalition for an Airline Passengers Bill of Rights — FlyersRights.org — that now is supposed to have around 17,000 members.

The organization created a passengers’ bill of rights that, among other things, imposes severe regulatory penalties on an airline if it allows a planeload of passengers to get stuck on a tarmac for more than three hours, which I think is still too long.

Is this really a big problem? How often does it happen? It happens a lot. So often, in fact, it rarely makes the news. It averaged more than nine times each and everyday in June, according to government statistics.

But does it warrant Congressional action? There is no question that forcing passengers to endure such conditions is abuse. Prisoners of war have more rights. Passengers should be treated at least in accordance with the Geneva Conventions.

You would think that mere competition would ensure against such mistreatment. But the airline business is so fouled up since 9/11, you can’t count on courtesy or consideration from the airlines any more. Many of them just want to pack those seats, take the money and move on. Hence Hanni’s Passengers Bill of Rights.

The best version of the bill, the one with the time limit in it, has passed a committee of the Senate and should be acted on before the end of September. A weaker bill without specific time limits has passed the House but will probably need reconciliation.

Of course these abuses don’t happen at bucolic Tucson International Airport. But everyone who boards a commercial flight at Tucson is going somewhere else, somewhere else where he or she may get stuck on the tarmac.

Hanni flies more than ever these days lobbying Congress to pass the Passengers Bill of Right. Meanwhile, she wants you to know if you ever get stuck on a plane on the tarmac, you now have a friend who knows what to do. Call her office 24/7 at 800-FLYERS6. Her organization will swing into action to resolve your problem in real time. It would be wise to keep that number handy whenever you fly.

Contact Lionel Waxman at territorial@waxmanmedia.com or visit his website: www.newflashpoint.com.
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